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She meets her abuser within her first few months in Iowa City, and stays in the relationship throughout the rest of her time there, even when her girlfriend moves to Bloomington, Indiana, to attend another MFA program. Most of the chapters are written in the second person; the “you” is often Machado as a younger woman. Her abuser is never named, appearing only as “she” and “your girlfriend.” The choice of the second person addressee is an important one. At times, the reader feels a part of the relationship, too, trapped with Machado in something like a fun-house prison. Machado is at the forefront of a wave of writers (including Sarah Hall, Julia Armfield, Fiona Mozley and Sophie Mackintosh) producing sensual, defiant, highly inward stories that centre on the female body.
Author Interviews
Machado appears to be wrestling with the imagined objection that her book participates in a tradition of demonizing gay characters. Her answer—that queer people “deserve to have our wrongdoing represented as much as our heroism, because when we refuse wrongdoing as a possibility for a group of people, we refuse their humanity”—feels a bit like Intro to the Politics of Representation. Another chapter, “Dream House as Unreliable Narrator,” walks a similar line between basic and resonant. Loved to refer to me as ‘melodramatic,’ or, worse, ‘a drama queen,’ ” Machado writes.
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But it's like that way in which one is hard on oneself, way more than you would be on anyone else. And I think for me, we're counting, or sort of trying to verbalize, this is what I believed about myself. I ended up reading a bunch of reviews out in the last couple of days, and people have been talking about how it's like watching a horror movie where someone's going into the basement and you're like, "Don't go into the basement." And I feel embarrassed to be the woman going into the basement.
Carmen Maria Machado
The names of previous winners in HGTV's annual Dream Home sweepstakes contest are public record. When you purchase an independently reviewed book through our site, we earn an affiliate commission. “You’re not allowed to write about this… Don’t you ever write about this. ” So said Carmen Maria Machado’s ex-girlfriend after she had unleashed a tirade of verbal abuse.
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Though one of the biggest revelations about writing it was being like, "Oh, I am not entirely better." There's something important to me about owning up and saying, "This is my experience,” not through the lens of this premise or this story, but in my own words, and in my own way of thinking. As a child, Machado loved retelling horror stories, especially ones she’d read in Alvin Schwartz’s Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, around the fire at Girl Scouts camp. This marked the beginning of her love for the horror genre. For its Los Angeles debut, Dream Hotels introduces its west coast flagship to the palm-lined streets of Los Angeles.
With bewitching, at times chant-like prose, Machado invites the reader into her dream house, lets us look in all the closets and the empty rooms and watch as she recreates, or resurrects—as she writes that all good memoirs should—what it was like to live for several years with an abusive partner. In the Dream House is a maze of emotion and analysis. It is Machado’s first book of nonfiction, and it complements her successful collection of short stories, Her Body and Other Parties, as both draw on fairy tale and science fiction to build full and complicated worlds for her characters. Machado mostly narrates this in the second-person present (“you are”) – hard to pull off without feeling gimmicky – but the book’s organising principle is more dizzying.
I think one of the hardest things ever in this book is acknowledging that damage was done to me. Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House is a memoir told in fragments, in shards. It has to be, because it is a memoir of trauma, and memories of trauma are fragmented. Soon, she was doubting her own perception of reality. If Machado expressed satisfaction in her own work, the woman from the Dream House would make her list (even write down) all of her flaws. But the cruelty was often followed by sweetness and denial.
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When she tried to tell people about her experience in the Dream House, they doubted her. At times, she even wishes her ex had hit her, left bruises that could be photographed and offered up as proof. Instead, she has this book, which despite its superficially fragmented form, is held together like a string of beads by a single, unbroken narrative. It even ends in a fittingly fairy-tale twist I won’t spoil. This story may be too dark to be called a last laugh, but its power is undeniable nonetheless. So I think part of writing the book was trying to say, some people might not think that what I'm describing constitutes abuse.
Carmen Maria Machado’s new memoir is a portrait of a relationship in fragments
Machado exulted in finding her desire reciprocated “without needing to change a single cell” of who she was. I have written quite a lot about my experience through fiction and that was quite helpful to me in terms of thinking about my myself in this removed way from my experience. But this is an important story that just hasn't had a lot of space in the memoir and creative nonfiction world. There's something important to me about owning up and saying, "This is my experience,” not through the lens of this premise or this story, but in my own words, and in my own way of thinking. That was just really, really important to me.
It brought me this person who is the most special and important person in my life. And I feel so grateful and so lucky that something really beautiful could come out of such pain. I think one of the hardest things ever in this book is acknowledging that damage was done to me. ... I think there's some version of me that says that writing this book made me realize that something happened in the past, and it changed me, and that I am different now, and I always will be.
Slate has relationships with various online retailers. If you buy something through our links, Slate may earn an affiliate commission. We update links when possible, but note that deals can expire and all prices are subject to change. All prices were up to date at the time of publication. I've had this thought where it's like, you know, if I could go back and change it, would I? And the answer is no, I wouldn't because it brought me Val.
The place is pretty, cozy, and they are in it together. Sadly, the idyllic atmosphere quickly shatters because Machado's girlfriend is prone to violent outbursts and often engages in emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. She can be dreadfully cruel and physically destructive, sometimes without provocation. Machado's writes about it all with devastating honesty and vulnerability, both of which are magnified by using second person. This is Machado's story of suffering and survival, but you are in there, and that makes the house your house, the girlfriend your girlfriend, the pain your pain, and the abuse Machado endured something you must digest and process yourself. There's this idea that not having men present in a relationship takes a certain kind of stress off, which sexually is actually true.
But I think it does, and here's what happened to me. Like I'm gonna put this in a container, like, here's my experience, here's how it felt. That's a line from the opening chapters of In the Dream House, a new memoir by Carmen Maria Machado. It's an examination of sexuality and a haunting account of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with her then girlfriend.
And you're like, "Don't do it. Oh my God, what are you doing? Run away!" You know? And there's something really dark about that and really upsetting and to have to put my hand up in that way to the world and be like, "Okay, I'm just going to tell you, not through fiction, but in this nonfiction book." This is profoundly embarrassing. And again, that's never something I would ever say to another person, but it's definitely a feeling that I have overwhelmingly about myself. This was an enchantment the younger Machado couldn’t break; relief only came when her ex got involved with another woman (of course), tried to date both of them for a while, and then finally dumped her. Machado then confronted another story-based dilemma.
She was shortlisted for a US National book award in 2017 for her gothic-flavoured short stories about sex and gender. With hindsight, her short story, Mothers, which deals obliquely with domestic abuse between two women, now appears to be a rehearsal. The first element that makes In the Dream House so inventive is that most of it is written in the second person. Most of the story takes place in a beautiful small house in Bloomington, Indiana, where Machado and her nameless girlfriend start living together shortly after they meet.
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